You Are a Walking Neon Sign
Identity is something that you are constantly earning.
It is a process that you must be active in.
Joss Whedon
We are all energy beings. The energy of our mood and our current thoughts does accompany us as we move about in our day. It shows up in our posture, the expression on our face, the way we move and in the words we say and the tone of voice we use. We are a walking, visible expression of what we are feeling.
We are like a neon sign that says, “This is who I am.”
It doesn’t matter what words we use to define ourselves. Our actions speak for us.
What message do you want to broadcast?
Does your sign say, “I am kind,” “I am compassionate,” “I see you,” or “I care about you”?
Does it sometimes say: “I am angry,” “I am greedy,” “I don’t have time for you,” or “I am right”?
We all get choose the message that we broadcast. Our actions tell the world who we are in that moment.
A happy person comes in with a smile and an uplifting comment, and that is an invitation to engage. Angry or frustrated people send out different messages, often in a way that says, “Stay away from me today.”
How do you usually show up? Are you friendly, with a smile and pleasant comment? Do you ignore the people around you? Do you easily complain about the slightest inconvenience?
Your behavior has an impact on the people around you - sometimes uplifting, sometimes annoying or irritating.
Many of us usually show up friendly but can get triggered by the behavior of someone else and react with anger or a nasty comment. That is understandable. We have all done it. But is that who you want to be in the moment?
It isn’t about them. It’s about you.
Some say “I can’t help it. That’s how I am.”
If that is what you think, I invite you to rethink that. You are in control of your actions.
Most of us present ourselves to the world and respond to other people in habitual ways. Our habits are so ingrained that it will require practice to change them. But, yes, you can change the way you react to others.
This takes us back to understanding the process of response. There is always a space between the other person’s behavior and our reaction to it. In that space, we can pause and consider how to respond.
The incident triggers our interpretation of what it means, and then, we are reacting to the meaning that we have given it.
Decide not to react. Give yourself time to reframe the situation in your mind. Replace the meaning you have given the incident with a more positive thought that gives the other person space to show up in the way that he is in this moment.
Practice seeing the other person in a kinder light:
“He’s having a bad day. I don’t need to add to it.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with her, but it’s about her, not me”
“My response is about me, not him.”
Then, your response might be as simple as ignoring whatever the other person said that triggered you. It might be a brief answer such as “I hear you” or some other neutral comment that does not lead to confrontation.
This is not excusing or condoning the person’s behavior. It is about you maintaining your balance and continuing to be in the world in the way that you prefer to be.
So, how do we get there from where we are right now? It takes practice.
We need to be conscious of our current behavior and notice when we would like to go back and change how we just reacted. Notice it, but don’t beat yourself up because you slipped back into your old habit. Changing habits takes time. Think of it as a useful, but enjoyable game that you have chosen to play with yourself.
It all goes back to who you want to be in the world and what you want your sign to say about you.
Who will you take out the door today? What will your sign say?
What would you like it to say?
Enjoy the journey.
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay
What are your thoughts? Please leave a comment below.
Fortunately, I was born with a smile on my face that has stayed with me into my adult life. What an advantage this has been when people communicate with me. But this smile of mine does not always give me a free ride when people want to be confrontational. I have learned and tried to remember to practice the Silent Pause when I feel someone has triggered me. It gives me time to remember that this person has some suffering in their life when they act mean esp. in an unprovoked situation. By my waiting to respond in a situation like this, it is a good think for all parties involved. For sure, it is not an easy practice, but a worthwhile one!
Thank you, Maggie.
I agree that it is not easy when we first begin. I have had lots of do-overs in my mind following a habitual, confrontive response when someone had been offensive to me. It does get easier with practice. And it gets good results in diffusing he situation.