The Pause that Refreshes
When we pause, allow a gap and breathe deeply,
we can experience instant refreshment.
... Pema Chödrön
As we walk our kindness path, most days go smoothly, as we easily engage people with a pleasant comment, and they usually respond in kind. Some days, however, lead us to more challenging situations that trigger a habitual reaction in us – one of annoyance or anger.
Most of us are still experiencing these little bumps in the road. When we get to the point where we are ready to move beyond reaction, we need to look at what triggers us and find a way to shift our response.
This takes some pre-paving, preparing us for the next encounter. First, we need to understand that we have more power over our response than we realize.
The power is in the pause.
Typically, when someone triggers us, we think that the next step is our reaction to it. Actually, there is a space between the stimulus and the response. Most of do not realize that, so we don’t take advantage of it.
The incident triggers our interpretation of what it means, and then, we are reacting to the meaning that we have given it. In the space between, we can shift the meaning and therefore, be able to respond in a more positive way.
How do we do that?
First, decide not to react. Give yourself time to reframe the situation in your mind.
Then, change your thinking. Replace the meaning you have given the incident with a more positive thought that gives the other person space to show up in the way that he is in this moment.
As you think about your last encounter, you might practice a new way of seeing the other person in a kinder light:
“He’s having a bad day. I don’t need to add to it.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with him, but it’s about him, not me”
“My response is about me, not him.”
Then, your response might be as simple as ignoring whatever the other person said that triggered you. It might be a brief answer such as “I hear you” or some other neutral comment that does not lead to confrontation.
When we ask, “Who do I want to be in this moment?” we bring our focus back on ourselves, and that helps us to get more clarity about how to proceed.
This all takes some practice, especially if we have a strong habit of reaction. If you find it difficult to remember your newly chosen response, it’s ok to say, “Excuse me, I’m taking a few minutes, but I’ll be back,” than walk away.
In these situations, your power is in the pause, the space for you to reframe the incident to one that is manageable.
As you master the art of the pause, you take a giant step forward on your kindness path.
And isn’t that refreshing?
Image by RÜŞTÜ BOZKUŞ from Pixabay
