Reflections on Giving and Receiving

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully,
 everyone is blessed.
Maya Angelou

 

This is a season of giving and receiving. In our hurried lives, we often get so caught up with the making or buying, then wrapping and maybe mailing of gifts, that it becomes more of a chore than a celebration.

For many people, the season brings unfulfilled expectations, or feelings of guilt at not having the time or the means to provide the kind of gifts that they want to give to others. We need to reevaluate what giving and receiving can be and how to make it more of a celebration, no matter what form it takes.

The Joy of Giving

When I was a child, my family had a tradition of making Christmas gifts for friends and relatives. I have good memories of the kitchen table full of candles to be decorated, sequins, ribbons, and tiny straight pins to attach the decorations to the candle. That was one year’s project. Each year, Mother gathered the makings for a different creative offering, and my brothers and I dug in and created our unique works of art.

As we grew older, and our parents were able to afford the extra expense, we moved on from our creative endeavors to buying our gifts. That was fun, also, as we learned to look thoughtfully for just the right present for everyone on our list. It required us to think about each person as we shopped and to consider what each one would enjoy receiving.

One of my favorite memories is baking Christmas cookies with Mother. I still have her Betty Crocker Cookie cookbook, well-worn and dilapidated, decorated by remnants of cookie dough and full of happy memories.

As an adult, I continued the tradition of giving home-baked cookies. I imagine that every cookie carries some of the love that I put into the making of them.

As my life unfolded, with all its ups and downs. I always came back to the pleasure of giving something that I created. Whether in exchange for or in addition to store-bought gifts, I always felt that it was the best way to express my love.

The Joy of Receiving 

To truly experience the receiving of a gift, savor the moment.

Consider how the gift was selected or created by the giver, then wrapped and prepared for you to have the pleasure of unwrapping their offering. This is a moment of connection – not just with the gift, but also with the giver, whether they are present or far away.

Now relate to the gift. Consider how it will enhance your life - perhaps make it easier or more enjoyable. Perhaps it will give you pleasure, perhaps meet a need.

Then, of course, we also receive presents that do not do any of those things. How do we receive an unwanted gift? We can choose not to make it about the gift, but about the giver and about who we choose to be, in the moment, as a gracious receiver.

I can feel disappointed and wish for something that I wanted, or I can feel gratitude for the intention of the giver to give me something that pleases me. The gift is not the important thing. Our connection is.

It always comes back to who I want to be, not about a particular gift.

Perhaps the gift came from a former friend or a relative with whom I no longer have a relationship. It would be easy to disregard it and not acknowledge their thinking of me. But it might be a way to heal an old misunderstanding. Gifts are door-openers, and we always have the choice of whether or not to walk through that door and to heal what was broken. Again, I always get to choose how to respond.

In our culture, there is a healthy tradition of passing on to someone else gifts that we do not use. It provides us a thoughtful outlet for the disappointment of not receiving what we would have preferred. I am sure that I was the recipient of such a gift more than once, and I suspect that one fruitcake made the rounds among our family and friends for years.

A word of caution: keep a record of who gave you an unwanted gift. You want to be sure to find someone else to pass it on to. 😊

What Does It All Mean?

There is an idea in our culture that gifts between people are supposed to be of equal value. I consider gift-giving in  the same way that I consider kindness. Neither is a transaction in which the giving and receiving must be measured and carefully balanced. We are kind because that is who we are, not because of what we want in return. We give gifts freely, because it is a way to express our affection or appreciation for one another, not to ensure that we get back something of equal value.

Some of my favorite gifts have been handmade: a beautiful wall hanging from my brother, Bob, and delightful works of art from our granddaughters, Sydney and Mia. Their value cannot be measured financially. They represent something deeper, a heart connection that enriches my life.

So, where do we go from here?

I invite you to consider your own giving and receiving:

• Can you give yourself a break and not try to meet other people’s unrealistic expectations of you?

• Can you see the value in what you are able to offer to others and in what you receive from them – all as expressions of something more important than the gifts themselves?

• Can you see all of this as part of the dance of life and a celebration of our being here together on this wonderful planet?

We wish you joy in the process of giving and receiving and love in every day of your life.

     Image by Wolfgang Eckert from Pixabay

What are your thoughts?   Please leave a comment below.

 

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We’re grateful that you are on this journey with us.

With love from our hearts to yours,
Pat and Larry