How Can We Disagree in a Kind Way?

 

There ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy

There’s only you and me,

and we just disagree.

                          Jim Krueger

 

This quote is from a song that was made popular by Dave Mason in the 1970s. The song is about a personal relationship, but the spirit applies to every aspect of our lives.

How do we think of and respond to someone who has different ideas and ways of being in the world than ours?

Most important is the way we see each other. In the current culture, there are so many calls to see people who have different ideas than ours as enemy. It is easy to believe that “I am right, and you are wrong” or even, “I am one of the good guys, and you are not.”

The disrespecting each other over differing ideas has become an epidemic in our culture. How do we stand against that?

 

Curiosity is an antidote to judgment.

We see this as a call for curiosity.

Kindness in action invites us to make an effort to hear the other person, to understand why they think the way they do or do what they do.

If you express genuine interest, they will probably respond in a positive way to an inquiry such as, “That’s interesting. Please tell me more about why you think that.”

This opens the door to understanding. If we sincerely listen with that intention, it diffuses the impulse to argue and defend our point of view. It is important that we truly listen, and not let our mind wander to prepare for a rebuttal. This is not about proving that my ideas are right and yours are wrong. It is a way to build a bridge, not to put up defensive walls.

The conversation that follows might provide an opportunity to express your point of view, as well. If the other person shows an interest, then you can calmly explain why you believe as you do. You might have noticed that the two of you have some of the same values and have chosen different paths to accomplish similar outcomes. That shared vision for your lives provides a common ground on which understanding can be built – perhaps, even a closer relationship.

Which brings us to the heart of the issue – there is no good guy or bad guy, just two people who disagree.

 

Remembering our Kinship

Our perspective in life comes from our life experience, but most of us do want to have our basic needs met and to have the freedom to express who we are, to be respected, and to have love and joy in our lives. This is an opportunity to look for common ground.

We can look at the areas in which we do agree - the kind of world we want for ourselves and our children and grandchildren. “I see this issue differently, but I believe we both want the same things in life,” is a good way to begin

As we realize that we share a common vision, we find that we have common ground on which to build mutual respect, or even a relationship. We might go our separate ways, feeling better about each other than we would have previously. Sometimes, we actually find a friend where before we saw a foe.

In the process, we have discovered our kinship and stepped away from the ideas of “them” and “us.” We have grown our circle of compassion to include someone previously on the outside, and we now see the power of curiosity to open doors of understanding.

We truly live the words of the song when we realize that we can do away with the idea of good guys and bad guys, and just see co-travelers on the journey of life, each of us doing the best we know how to do in the moment.

As a result, life just got richer.

Enjoy the journey.

 

Click here to hear the song, “We Just Disagree”

 

What are your thoughts?  Please leave a comment below.

 

Help us spread the message of kindness.

If you know others who might appreciate these ideas, please share below.

 

We’re grateful that you are on this journey with us.

With love from our hearts to yours,

Pat and Larry